Pure Pwnage
[ www.purepwnage.com ]

OMFG! It's Pwnage! This site kicks incredible amounts of ass. Myself and Gray came accross it last month after we became well aware that Urban Terror developement is in the rat-ass shitter and we needed an outlet for our wanna-be pro gamer antics. This site features episodes of an internet-based show that stars Jeremy (aka teh_pwnerer): a self-proclaimed pro gamer. The show is shot by Jeremy's (supposed) brother Kyle who is in film school and follows Jeremy around with a camera as he describes the life of a pro gamer, encounters various n00bs, and practices his micro on pay phones and ATMs.

In the introductory episode we get aquainted with teh_pwnerer while Kyle n00bs out trying to film the show Scorcese and Kubrick style. Jeremy explains the typical morning of a pro gamer checking Command and Conquer replays and flaming on the gaming forums. Walking around his home town he describes drawing strats out in sandboxes and his RTS religion (which is apparently very similar to Buddhism. This is actually exaplined in detail in the show.)

In episode 2 Kyle encounters the biggest female n00bs I have ever seen in my life who are surveyed about what they know about gaming terminology. This episode made me ashamed to be double X chromosomed and kinda reminded me of most conversations with my non-gaming friends since I've started watching the show. I have a tendency to quote from the shows on a regular basis, which ensues hilarity whenever I'm around my gamer peeps, but as soon as you step out of that world you find yourself having to explain a lot of nerd terminology to n00bs who don't know what pwnage, micro, and strats are. So anyways, the ladies are quizzed and obviously know little to nothing about gaming even going so far as to say that they'd have to be paid in order to date our Pure Pwnage hero, Jeremy. (Come on ladies, who do you think works better with their hands? You're football throwing, puck handling, curling rock tossing jock, or a guy who has uber-micro controlling 50 army units on three fronts. Think about it.)

In episode 3 we meet Doug, an over-zealous FPS player specializing in Army Ops. He and Jeremy used to be little n00bs together back in the day playing NES and Sega (w/ pics) but now they're friendship is divided because Doug is die-hard FPS and Jeremy is die-hard RTS. The whole episode is basically just Doug freaking out FPS style which, surprisingly, never gets old. (I think all of us knows an FPS Doug.)

In episode 4 (teh win of episodes) all hell breaks lose after the_pwnerer loses to a n00b. After a drunken bender he decides to go see teh_masterer to finish his n00b-schooling training and learns the all-important lesson: "if one wants to truly pwn, one must pwn in all games." Words of wisdom if I've ever heard them.

So, that brings us to the present in which we are waiting impatiently for episode 5 (which is gonna have to walk on water if it wants to be even remotely as good as episode 4.) So until the next release we're just gonna keep playing the first four over and over again and I'm still going to be stuck in my never ending bid to become Jeremy's girlfriend. And here it is, the third installment to The Snowy Driveway's Best Of The Web, the site that's been taking n00bs to school since ....... 2004: